Wednesday, January 3, 2007

The back of the refrigerator

Why oh why do we put left-overs in the fridge?
Yesterday I ventured into the wilds, not the great outdoors, but into the dark regions of The Back of the Fridge. There, I have been conducting a biohazardous experiment, where leftovers have been incarcerated and allowed to mutate. I think perhaps I am trying to create mutant lifeforms.
Why is it that I put anything in there anyway?
I think it's guilt. Well, perhaps partly guilt.
We can't just 'throw out' the left-overs. That would be greedy, and show our disregard for all the hungry people in the world (my mother, bless her, would always say we should think of the starving - well, perhaps the starving would have enjoyed boiled cabbage, so well-cooked that it was GREY and STRETCHY, so SEND IT TO THEM!).
So that we don't feel guilty for throwing out perfectly good food, we put it into gladwrapped bowls and place it lovingly into the Dark Regions of the Fridge. Then, conscience relieved, we forget about it.
Days, weeks, sometimes even longer, we decide there is Too Much Junk in the Fridge. With gloves (and sometimes gas masks), we reach towards the Back of the Fridge. With trepidation, we drag the bowls out, sometimes kicking and screaming, at the very least slowly writhing and twisting, and, conscience assuaged, decide that now it is Time to Throw it Out. I think it's because by now the mutant life-forms have decided that it is time to breed in the compost heap, and because no-one could possibly eat it, we can without qualm, hiff it.
Well, that's my take on it - and my NewYear's Resolution? To try to chuck the stuff out before it hits the refrigerator, so that any mutations can occur directly in the compost rather than in the Depths of the Refrigerator. can but try.

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